3.5 year anniversary

Sometimes I wish I was back in college when life just seemed so much simpler and easier. No one had jobs and you could skip school if you wanted to. You had a choice in your decisions. Even if I'm happy he has a job, I'm sad for the time I don't get to spend with him. Yes, I know I am spoiled because I see him 2x a week, but 2x is a lot less than the 200x a week in college. It was always good to know I'd see him at the end of the day. He is something I look forward to. Tonight, I wish I saw him. Tired as I am, I have energy reserved just to hang out with him.

Fantasy:
Matthew gets off work by 6:00pm. He goes home then drives down to see me so he's here by 8pm. We go watch Sherlock Holmes 2 or we stay in and watch the Dexter season finale (which I refuse to watch without him around). I tell him a story that was the highlight of my day. Matthew leaves by 10:30pm. Robin goes to bed.

Real life:
Robin napped and woke up at 7:30pm. She made dinner and texted Matthew. No response so she assumes he's asleep. Robin finishes watching Pride and Prejudice. Matthew texts back he's gone out with friends to the Orange Lantern for beers and to watch football. Surprise surprise- he wasn't asleep. Robin is too awake so she watches Breakfast at Tiffany's because she's in a sad, lonely mood. What happened to watching a movie with Matthew? Whatever. He's busy. I guess I'll see if he calls later. 11pm still no call. Let's send a text to hint that he should call me soon, which he does, but he's still at the bar. Fine, I'll go do some mindless thing to stay awake until he calls. Might as well hear his voice. Better than nothing. While I wait, I get cranky. What's taking him so long? He doesn't visit. He doesn't call. Fine. I'm upset. I'm leaving tomorrow and that's it? I guess I'll see you in 2012 then. Have fun with your life! Quick phone call when he gets home, he's too tired. Alright then, good night.

Its funny how real life contrasts with a fantasy. Something I had pictured in my head and held in my brain throughout the day to keep me going when students are just not paying attention is like the light at the end of my tunnel except it wasn't a light, a way out of my real life. It turned out to be a busted lamp with just enough light to last a few hours before the battery eventually gave out and died. That's how I feel. That's why I'm up. My mind is too awake with the wishful thoughts of a fantasy that never happened. I guess that's why its called a fantasy- because it isn't real. So yeah 3.5 I guess its not that big a deal. Who's counting anyway?

Almost 2 years late, but not quite

It's been almost 2 years later, but not quite. Obviously Matthew and I are still together if I am posting on this blog. I was re-reading the posts and I have to say they are quite amusing and I decided that I will try to convince him to make time to write here again. We shall see since he is quite busy in the adult world with his job. Yes, fast forward we did the g-word (for those of you who don't know the g-word is graduation). The CliffNotes version is Matthew is working at Columbia for the next 2 years doing brain research (of course) and I am teaching in Newark.

The reason I'm actually posting is because I wanted to write about what a great couple Matthew and I are. Seriously though I was thinking about it and there are so many times when I've heard other people tell us, "You're my favorite couple." And after watching the Twilight movie, it has put me in the mood thinking about couples (Bella and Edward), weddings (Bella and Edward), and, of course, me and Matthew. I've got to say that there is no one else who can come up with such witty retorts to my robinisms (Bryant tries to), makes such unusual happy noises when he's excited, and understands my quirks. There are just too many cute things and wonderful memories with this boy that the first thing that comes out of my mouth when I tell stories is,"One time, Matthew did...". I can't stop talking about him because I am so proud of my boyfriend for always sticking through everything with me.

I know this is all silly talk coming from me, but this boy is special. He's a keeper.

Belated Valentine's Day

So Valentine's Day has come and passed. Matthew and I had a lovely homecooked dinner. Of course, he cooked. I washed dishes. Lol. I'm so helpless in the kitchen. But we both dressed up that day since we had lunch at Sakura too. Matthew even gave me a card he made! I bought him a card from CVS, which he did not appreciate as much. I tell him I'm not creative or artistic, but the next day he forced me to make him a card by Wednesday.

Today is Friday. I finished making Matthew his card. I should take a picture and put it up here, but I'm too lazy and tired right now. All I want to do is eat sweet bread. I should go to sleep so I stop eating. Anyway, I think Matthew liked my card. I worked on it for 3 hours! It took so long since I was also watching the Olympics: Men's Figure Skating. Chandler, Bryant, and Jeremy did not appreciate the grace and beauty of the sport. I feel like Chandler definitely had some of those costumes in his closet. Chandler said he only wears them to FishCo. It brings out all the ladies. Haha... Better not get Matthew a figure skating costume then. Don't want those ladies being all up in my business. --> I just wanted to type that since I wouldn't actually say that phrase in real life. =)

Been off the blogwaves for a minute, but I return now.

So Robin left for Hawaii last Friday, and sadly, I've been left sidekickless. My days have felt longer since the possibilities for some sort of digital communication between us became even smaller with the fact that she would be around family 24/7. However, there was one glorious day, last Monday, that I did get to spend with her. BTW, don't get the steak at Applebee's. It's so bad.

Anyways, I've been in western Massachusetts since Wednesday. I've basically been hanging with my two 2-year old goddaughters, doing odd jobs around my cousin's office, and lounging around their house. I wish I had my car so I could at least go around and see things on my own. The coolest thing I did was go to the Springfield Science Museum yesterday. My cousin and her husband have been really nice though. Anyone know of anything exciting around here?

I can't wait to return home on Monday. I'll be sad if a bunch of my home town crew has left for school already. They've really made break really fun for me. Wasting time with all my boyfriends... no homo (well, slightly). I'm just in need of some more CoD:MWII and HDTVs.

Glee

Last night, I introduced my mom to the magic of Glee. We listened to a bunch of songs with Iriff and Aimee in Aimee's room. Mom said Dr. Perril listens to Glee at work, which she finds odd since its a tv show. She probably thinks its sort of like High School Musical. I showed her videos on Hulu and she really liked the songs that I have to burn her a CD to use in the car.

I enjoy these moments because lately whenever I look at my mom she looks so worried about me. Apparently, I have no direction. My uncle came to visit and he told me about my cousin at UC Davis (she's also '11) and how she's applying to law school at Brown and Harvard. Okay, so I'm not sure my uncle knows there is no law program at Brown, but at least my cousin knows what she wants. My grandma was talking to my mom and dad about not worrying so much about me because I'll be successful like my mom and be a doctor since I have no boyfriend. My dad looked at her and told her not to be naive. Yes, my grandma doesn't know I have a boyfriend. Its such a hush-hush secret. No one talks about me having a boyfriend. My mom occasionally refers to Matthew when I wake up late in the morning and she says I stay up too late on the phone or chatting or something with Matthew. When I told her I wasn't sure what I wanted to do after college, she asked me what Matthew wanted to do. My dad doesn't even mention Matthew's name although he makes snide comments that may minamahal ako na iba hindi pamilya ko.

Anyway, my rant today is just about how I'm feeling the pressures since I'm going to graduate in 1.5 years. No one besides my parents and sisters knows I'm taking a year off and I'm expecting everyone at the next family party to ask me questions about how is MCAT studying and if I'm applying to Harvard or Johns Hopkins for med school or something. I've started practicing my quiet smile for these questions to make it seem like I'm just being modest about it all since I'm too scared to tell them I don't know. Med school isn't out of the picture its just in the background. For some reason, my mom also keeps bringing out how I might be getting married to Matthew right out of college, which is random to me, but if I were a mom it might worry me too.

Oh, Matthew. Why are things so difficult? Despite it all, I'm glad I have you with me throughout everything. I miss you. Can't you accidentally be in Hawaii at the same time I am?

New Year's part 2

Hello guys,

First off, Happy New Years! Indeed, I believe that we must rejoice and look forward to what lies ahead. We do still believe in ourselves, don't we?

Last night was fun, yet incomplete without Robin. I slipped up a bit at first, but by the end, I was able to get back to her and tell her I love her.

I was at a loud party* in Brooklyn when the ball dropped, so I was only communicating by text. After getting raided and kicked out by the cops around 1, I went on the subway back to Manhattan and walked a few blocks before settling somewhere warm and quiet enough to talk. It was at this diner that a massive influx of text messages that I had missed started coming in. I tried to call Robin, but she would not talk to me. I had apologized, trying to explain that I had no clue she was so upset. I was in the subway for a while, and being underground, I didn't have any service - no calls, no text. I had intended on calling her when I was back on the surface world. While I had to hear my mahal crying on the phone one of the times she picked up, I would get more and more text messages that were sent probably an hour or so ago. They got more and more depressing as they went on. It hurt to continue reading. I really felt like a douchebag, but I had no intention of ignoring her.

Then I read her blog post. And whoa... O. M. G. Sheeeee-at, now a bigger douchebag. This miscommunication has really screwed me up! She thinks I was doing this and that, but really I was just being awkward and cross-faded, dancing with myself with a pink mask on (picture soon), hah. Truth is, I thought about Robin very much while I was at that party. For the entire time I was there, I only wished to dance with her, and it never crossed my mind to do something that would upset her. So then, it was time to explain myself! Text after text, I went on apologizing and defending myself from the storm while reminding her of our genuine love that I swear to uphold. The battle was long, but love pulled through in the end. Mahal kita, Robin.

I was so glad that she had eventually called me and we got to talk before going to bed, where our thoughts might get the best of us. We realized that this time apart has been driving us crazy, and we miss each other incredibly. We need to plan some sort of secret rendezvous or someone's going to explode. Anyways, hopefully I do get to see (in RL) Robin before she leaves for Hawaii on Friday. Oh oh, I got to gchat with Robin and Ria today . I had to tell the little one that I thought Robin was prettier, something which she thought was debatable, lol. I stand by my lady forever though, the one and only apple of my eye.

One more thing: Thank you, God. Continue to bless and protect me and everyone I love as we begin yet another orbit around the sun.



*btw, Courtney and Emily never met up at said party. They missed out though.

New Year's (notice how I didn't say happy?)

So it's New Year's and I can't help but wonder what everyone else is up to. It is 1:50am EST and I am already home from my tita's house where I ate a ton of food. Now, everyone is getting ready for bed and I am in my pajayjays too. I didn't see any fireworks, but I heard firecrackers outside in the rain. The closest I came to a New Year's party tonight was my mom dancing alone (while everyone watched-no, she wasn't drunk) at my tita's party to the performances on TV. The closest I came to alcohol was sparkling apple cider in a plastic cup (not even the pretty plastic flutes so I can pretend) since I'm not 21 yet (although I definitely saw a few people at my tita's drinking champagne who were much younger than me).

I am quite sad. At my tita's party, one of our family friend's son, coincidentally named Matt, brought his girlfriend there. I smile to myself since New Year's Eve four years ago that same Matt had asked me to be his girlfriend, but at the same time I envied him so much tonight that he got to give his girlfriend a kiss when the ball dropped at midnight. At least Matthew is out partying in New York at a masquerade with Arthur, Lauren, Kenny, Frank, Emily and Courtney to distract him from not being with me. I have my best friends, Set and Monopoly Deal, to play with.

I can't help but think about what Matthew is doing right now. All night I just wished I could be with him. I keep texting him, but I know he won't answer when he's busy partying. I wonder who he's dancing with since I'm not there. Actually, I don't even want to think about since it makes me want to cry that he might be dancing with someone else. After all, Arthur is dancing with Lauren. Emily and Courtney are dancing with other guys. I'm sure Kenny and Frank are dancing with other girls. So then who does Matthew dance with? When Matthew wears his mask, no one sees that he has a girlfriend in geriatric Toms River anymore. There's probably lots of girls at this masquerade ball lining up for him. I don't want to worry, but what else is there for me to do? I guess I should just go to bed and not think about him, but its hard for me not to think about him.

Ugh... this is a ridiculously depressing post. I wonder if there are other 20-year-olds like me who are at home right now just wishing they could go out and celebrate the New Year with friends? I wouldn't feel as awful if I knew I wasn't the only one. Its not that I don't want to be with my family, of course I do. Its just a little boring when everyone goes to bed. At college, there's always someone to talk to and hang out with this late at night. I miss Brown.

Oh, to be young and and my body homebound. My spirit is restless.

P.S.
2:43am Currently watching 27 Dresses- "Love is patient, love is kind, love means slowly losing your mind."-James Marsden