New Year's (notice how I didn't say happy?)

So it's New Year's and I can't help but wonder what everyone else is up to. It is 1:50am EST and I am already home from my tita's house where I ate a ton of food. Now, everyone is getting ready for bed and I am in my pajayjays too. I didn't see any fireworks, but I heard firecrackers outside in the rain. The closest I came to a New Year's party tonight was my mom dancing alone (while everyone watched-no, she wasn't drunk) at my tita's party to the performances on TV. The closest I came to alcohol was sparkling apple cider in a plastic cup (not even the pretty plastic flutes so I can pretend) since I'm not 21 yet (although I definitely saw a few people at my tita's drinking champagne who were much younger than me).

I am quite sad. At my tita's party, one of our family friend's son, coincidentally named Matt, brought his girlfriend there. I smile to myself since New Year's Eve four years ago that same Matt had asked me to be his girlfriend, but at the same time I envied him so much tonight that he got to give his girlfriend a kiss when the ball dropped at midnight. At least Matthew is out partying in New York at a masquerade with Arthur, Lauren, Kenny, Frank, Emily and Courtney to distract him from not being with me. I have my best friends, Set and Monopoly Deal, to play with.

I can't help but think about what Matthew is doing right now. All night I just wished I could be with him. I keep texting him, but I know he won't answer when he's busy partying. I wonder who he's dancing with since I'm not there. Actually, I don't even want to think about since it makes me want to cry that he might be dancing with someone else. After all, Arthur is dancing with Lauren. Emily and Courtney are dancing with other guys. I'm sure Kenny and Frank are dancing with other girls. So then who does Matthew dance with? When Matthew wears his mask, no one sees that he has a girlfriend in geriatric Toms River anymore. There's probably lots of girls at this masquerade ball lining up for him. I don't want to worry, but what else is there for me to do? I guess I should just go to bed and not think about him, but its hard for me not to think about him.

Ugh... this is a ridiculously depressing post. I wonder if there are other 20-year-olds like me who are at home right now just wishing they could go out and celebrate the New Year with friends? I wouldn't feel as awful if I knew I wasn't the only one. Its not that I don't want to be with my family, of course I do. Its just a little boring when everyone goes to bed. At college, there's always someone to talk to and hang out with this late at night. I miss Brown.

Oh, to be young and and my body homebound. My spirit is restless.

P.S.
2:43am Currently watching 27 Dresses- "Love is patient, love is kind, love means slowly losing your mind."-James Marsden