3.5 year anniversary

Sometimes I wish I was back in college when life just seemed so much simpler and easier. No one had jobs and you could skip school if you wanted to. You had a choice in your decisions. Even if I'm happy he has a job, I'm sad for the time I don't get to spend with him. Yes, I know I am spoiled because I see him 2x a week, but 2x is a lot less than the 200x a week in college. It was always good to know I'd see him at the end of the day. He is something I look forward to. Tonight, I wish I saw him. Tired as I am, I have energy reserved just to hang out with him.

Fantasy:
Matthew gets off work by 6:00pm. He goes home then drives down to see me so he's here by 8pm. We go watch Sherlock Holmes 2 or we stay in and watch the Dexter season finale (which I refuse to watch without him around). I tell him a story that was the highlight of my day. Matthew leaves by 10:30pm. Robin goes to bed.

Real life:
Robin napped and woke up at 7:30pm. She made dinner and texted Matthew. No response so she assumes he's asleep. Robin finishes watching Pride and Prejudice. Matthew texts back he's gone out with friends to the Orange Lantern for beers and to watch football. Surprise surprise- he wasn't asleep. Robin is too awake so she watches Breakfast at Tiffany's because she's in a sad, lonely mood. What happened to watching a movie with Matthew? Whatever. He's busy. I guess I'll see if he calls later. 11pm still no call. Let's send a text to hint that he should call me soon, which he does, but he's still at the bar. Fine, I'll go do some mindless thing to stay awake until he calls. Might as well hear his voice. Better than nothing. While I wait, I get cranky. What's taking him so long? He doesn't visit. He doesn't call. Fine. I'm upset. I'm leaving tomorrow and that's it? I guess I'll see you in 2012 then. Have fun with your life! Quick phone call when he gets home, he's too tired. Alright then, good night.

Its funny how real life contrasts with a fantasy. Something I had pictured in my head and held in my brain throughout the day to keep me going when students are just not paying attention is like the light at the end of my tunnel except it wasn't a light, a way out of my real life. It turned out to be a busted lamp with just enough light to last a few hours before the battery eventually gave out and died. That's how I feel. That's why I'm up. My mind is too awake with the wishful thoughts of a fantasy that never happened. I guess that's why its called a fantasy- because it isn't real. So yeah 3.5 I guess its not that big a deal. Who's counting anyway?